Office trip.

It was one of those times when I was getting kinda bored in office and was forwarding random pjs to people. After forwarding this one, this is the chat which followed:

Mortz: dude, why PJ?

Mortz: why suchchchchchchchchchaaa bad PJ?

Me: its a good PJ dude, you didn’t laugh at all?

Mortz: no dude – very bad, mendak tarr pharr was way better.

Me: hehe.

Me: ek mast shayari sun.

Me: ae mere vatan ke veero.

Me: ae mere vatao ke veero.

Mortz: wah wah.

Me: ae mere vatan ke veero. 1/x is not defined when x is equal to zero.

Me: 😀

Mortz: lol

Me: abe zoe se hans na.

Mortz: compile all these pj’s on your blog

Mortz: big hit it will be.

Me: ya bro. I should do that.

Mortz: start compiling now. by 2 – 3 days you will have a lot.

Me: hehe. yeah.

Me: Ill make you proof read them.

Me: and then read them again on the blog.

Mortz: proof read pj’s!

Mortz: height

Mortz: ok -fine.

Me: 5 ft 8 inches

Mortz: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

Mortz: this should definitely go on your blog.

and here it is. so if you dont like this post, then feel free to kick Mortz’s ass. He stays at 903, Panch Leela, Chandivali, Mumbai.

PS: the pj which got this chat started –

Santa – yaar koi aisa valentine gift bata jo seedha teri bhabhi ke dil per lage.

Banta – goli maar de.

When insults had class.

Came across this somewhere. just brilliant i say!

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
– Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with  great pleasure.”
– Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
– William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
”I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
– Groucho Marx
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
– Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
– Oscar Wilde
”I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend if you have one.”
– George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second….. if there is one.”
– Winston Churchill to Shaw, in response
”I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
– Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
– John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial”
– Irvin S. Cobb
”He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
– Samuel Johnson

”He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
– Walter Kerr
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
– Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
– Oscar Wilde

Woman to Churchill. “If you were my husband, I’d give you poison.”

Churchill replied “If you were my wife, madam, I’d take it.”

and then found these in the replies to this compilation:

At dinner Winston Churchill asked a woman if he would sleep with him for £1,000,000.
She replied she would and he asked if she would sleep with him for £50.
Shocked, the woman said that she was not a cheap trollop.
Churchill said, “We’ve determined what you are. We are simply negotiating a price.”

“Sir Winston you are drunk.”
Winston Churchill: “Yes, madam and you are ugly, but in the morning I will be sober.”

this one takes the cake:

Young man (after seeing Churchill leave the bathroom without washing his hands): At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet.
Churchill: At Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands.

The Choice.

What is more difficult?

Letting things go without making an effort or trying and being branded desperate ?

Food for thought.

“Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share.” — Mark Z. Danielewski (House of Leaves)

Learnings 101

Life is all about learning from the everyday experiences. The wise men have always incorporated the learnings from day to day life and have gone off to become immortals. Well I am not one of the immortals (as I am still alive :D) but that doesn’t mean I should keep the learnings to myself. The kind of altruist that I am,  I take it upon me to enlighten people around me.

This happened when Adam, Eve and I had gone out after office on a friday night. Both Adam and Eve had drinks one too many and within no time they were piss ass drunk and all of us were happily singing much to the chagrin and dismay of others around us. Soon the time came for the bar to close and the admin there was more than happy to throw us out. Once out it was decided that Adam and I will drop Eve off to her place and then we will head back to our abode. Seems like a simple enough plan, right? But well if it would have been that simple, then it wouldn’t have got a mention here.

So continuing with the narration, all three of us boarded a rick and left for Eve’s place. On reaching there, Adam suddenly realized that he needed to empty his bowels. So all of us went up to Eve’s place so that Adam can take a leak. While Adam was going about his task, I was tripping over Eve checking herself out in the mirror. And then Adam came out and the unthinkable happened!

Eve noticed that Adam’s jeans were all wet! Eww! It had so happened that our man forgot to unzip before doing his job. Not the best of things to do when you go to a female friend’s place for the first time. But alas, what was done couldn’t be undone. And that was the case here too.

Now Adam and Eve are madly in love and have thought of the names of their kids too (more on that later :D).

Moral of the story: When you  see the gal of your dreams, pee in your pants 🙂

Dodrrrr!

What? Come again?

Dodrrrr!

what da? what the fuck is a dodrrr?

Dei! its not dodrrr, its download directory.

aaaaaaaaa. oh fuck (laughter and people in splits). fuck dude.

well this is something you will observe very frequently if you happen to know me.  speaking fast. real fast. well thats what i have been told.

i thought why not pen down the choicest of incidents and the mishaps that have occured because of this innate talent of mine 😀

this incident happened sometime during my third year. I was one of the extra mural lectures (EML) coordinator, and we had a lady professor from Britain as the guest for the day. As was customary, the EML team went to thank her after the lecture and I happened to ask her email id, a very normal thing to do. But then she froze for a moment and replied only after a while. What she replied was this, “Thats so sweet but don’t you think that I am too old?” The rest of the team and I were shell shocked for a moment and then Lugai happened to ask her, well, err, what is it that you heard? “Will you be my lady?”, pat came the reply.

There is this another incident which I fondly remember. This happened sometime last year. All seven of us (Mortz, CB, Shaggi, Hawas, Dhruv, Vanama and yours truly) were having lunch one fine sunday. The bai was making aloo ke parathes and soon the masala got over. I happened to be in the kitchen at that moment and I told her not to worry and that she can make plain parathas instead and that Ill go and ask people how many parathas they want so that she can kneed the right amount of dough. This is what happened next –

Me: “tum log  kitne – 2 plain parathe khaoge ?”

Mortz: “pack. I am not interested. Main kyun jaaoun.” I am sure at this point you must be thinking what a retard Mortz is. Well to be honest, it wasn’t his fault, because this was what he heard – “Train mein malad kaun – 2 jaayega?”

No points for guessing who went empty stomach that day 😀

Well, I can go on and on about such incidents but then it will become too monotonous. But this next incident I have to mention as this is the best they can ever get.

One day Prabhat happened to call me. He has been in Taiwan for a couple of months now. Now this being an international call the voices were echoing because of time lag and stuff. While I was telling him something I happened to notice that there is someone speaking on the phone (maybe a cross connection perhaps) and that person was speaking very fast. It  very difficult to interpret what he was saying. My first reaction was, “kaun chutiya hai saala jo itna tej bol raha hai?” and then it dawned to me, it was my voice that was echoing 🙂

PS: I don’t speak fast, people are slow in listening.

An incomplete poem.

A pat on the back, an understanding smile.

The comfortable silence, the all understanding eyes.

A shoulder to lay down upon, the hand avoiding the fall.

The conversation without words, the expressions which say it all.

The week that was. 18th Jan – 24th Jan.

Missed Saarang for the first time in six years. Also missed the excitement, the anticipation, the week long break from the classes, the classes, the co-ord badges, the grub coupons, deans office, the night outs planning out things, tea at 4.30 in the morning, taramani gate, the fundae sessions to the volunteers, the control room, the first day of Saarang, the hospitality desk, the tension as things are set into motion, the tiffs with the other departments, the arguments, the laughs shared at the end of them, the comraderie shared despite the tiffs, the crowd, the events, free red bulls, the red bull babes :D, the trip sessions on the stories of the legendary fights put up by the guys to ask out the gals who have come for the festival, the fights put up myself, the security team, the pro -shows, the dancing during light music night, the head banging during rock night, the soreness the morning after the rock show, the night outs enjoying the exploits of the day, the long walks, the CCD, the cards sessions and other such things. But most importantly, missed the feeling of being a student and missed my friends.

Met chachu, chachi, Gursha and Tanshu after a long time. Can’t believe how fast the kids grow up. Time well spent 🙂

Talked for long hours on the phone (as usual, for now, that is) with a certain someone. Fought, made up, fought again and then made up again. And now in the process of determining the purpose of the whole thing in the first place.  Too confused and too mindfucked.

Again frustrated on not being able to talk to people I was close to once. Frustrated at my inability to take things in stride and accept facts. Frustrated at my continual process of living in the past at times instead of accepting reality. Frustrated at my fear of the present.

Shared a good laugh with friends over some trippy videos and jokes. Caught up with a couple of them too. Wished for many more such moments.

Saw wake up sid at 5 in the morning and then went to sleep at eight 😀

Had one of the lighter weeks at work. Shared some good laughs. Got to know my US colleague better. Almost finished reading A case of Exploding Mangoes in office 😀

Saw first Arsenal and then ManU leapfrog us to the top of the table.  Didn’t fret over it, as we are yet to play our game.  Was content at the showing in the FA cup.

All in all a week full of nostalgia, retrospection, some regrets and some hopes as well 🙂

death.

acknowledgments.

life.

an unfinished book.